Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her.
How the EU works: In Germany, they make the rules, in Britain, they obey the rules, in France, they bend the rules, in Spain, they break the fules and in Italy they have no rules at all.
A prize was to be awarded for the first person to discover a horse with black and white stripes like a zebra. A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman and a Spaniard participated hoping to win the prize of 1,000,000 euros.
The German decided to spend weeks in the National library researching into horses with black and white stripes.
The Englishman went straight to a shop in Piccadilly which specialises in hunting gear, bought all the equipment necessary and set off for Africa in his quest for this strange creature.
The Frenchman bought himself a horse and painted it black and white .
The Spaniard went to the best restaurant he knew in Madrid, ordered an expensive meal for himself with a fine bottle of wine; after the meal he ordered an expensive Havana cigar and a Napoleon brandy, sat in a luxurious arm-chair in the hotel and began to consider what he would do with the 1,000,000 euros once he had found this remarkable horse with black and whte stripes.
Little old lady at US immigration.
OFFICIAL: Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by violence or subversion?
LITTLE OLD LADY: Hmmmmm Violence, I think
These four guys were walking down the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?
What do u get when u cross a Mexican and an Iranian?
Oil of Ole
Why did the New Yorker cross the road?
What's it to you??!!!!!!!!!!!?
Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team?
Because everyone who can run, jump and swim is already in the US.
Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
How do you stop a French tank?
What is the title of the new Vietnamese cookbook?
100 ways to wok your dog.
How can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight?
He enters a duck.
How can you tell if a Pole is present?
He bets money on the duck.
How can you tell if an Italian is present? The duck wins.
What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
What do you call someone who speaks one language?
What's the difference between a pot of lobsters and a group of Japanese tourists who've just been run over by a steamroller?
There's no difference, they're all crustaceans...
What do you call 4 Mexicans in a quick sand?