Three Wishes Jokes

Jun 23rd 2011
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Abacadabra

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball dont knock out any windows. Itll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, lets go up there, apologize and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

Uh, yeah, sorry about that." the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. Im a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. Youve released me. Im allowed to grant three wishes- Ill give you each one wish, and Ill keep the last one for myself."

"OK, great!" the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem-its the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And whats your wish, genie?” the husband said.

"Well, since Ive been trapped in that bottle, I havent had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I dont care." The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her.

"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies? Thats amazing."
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An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when -- all of a sudden -- a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

 "Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

 Her rocking chair turns to solid gold. "

And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."

 She turns into a beautiful young woman.

 "Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

"Ooh -- can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:

"Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."
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A lonely woman is walking on the beach, upset because her husband has just left her for his much younger secretary. She kicks a bottle, and a genie comes out.

"For freeing me from the bottle I'll give you three wishes, but know this: everything you wish for, your husband gets double."

The woman is shocked "That no good, lying, cheating, piece of crap?"The genie replies "I'm sorry, that's the policy, whatever you wish for he gets double"

The woman thinks and says "I'd like a million dollars."

Where her husband is, two million appears at his feet.

Then the woman says "I'd like the world's largest diamond"

Her husband starts looking for a jeweler.

Then the woman thinks very hard and says "Whatever I wish for, he gets doubled?"

"Yes"

"OK, then, scare me half to death"


CategoriesDirty Jokes