Heaven vs Hell

Sep 19th 2011

Angels vs Devils

Heaven Is Where
  • The French are the chefs
  • The Italians are the lovers
  • The British are the police
  • The Germans are the mechanics
  • And the Swiss make everything run on time
Hell is Where:
  • The British are the chefs
  • The Swiss are the lovers
  • The French are the mechanics
  • The Italians make everything run on time
  • And the Germans are the police

Mother Teresa ascends to Heaven and God is waiting.

“Mother Teresa are you hungry? Would you like a sandwich?” God asked.

She nodded as God opened a can of tuna fish and spread it on some white bread. While they were eating the clouds of heaven shift enough to see the fires of hell. While only her and God we eating tuna sandwiches in Heaven, it appeared that all of humanity was feasting on steak and lobster in Hell.

 Mother Teresa asked God, “Hey it’s not like I’m complaining I’m so grateful for everything I have been given... but what’s going on in Hell?”

God replied, “Well I figured with only the two of us up here... Why cook?”

A priest came to a dying man to read him his last rites."Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest. "This is no time to be making enemies," replied the man.

An engaged couple dies in a car crash and Saint Peter is waiting for them at the pearly gates.

“Saint Peter can we still get married in Heaven?” the very in love couple asked.

Peter says he’ll get back to them. Two years passes and the couple finally gets a call from Saint Peter asking if they would still like to get married. They said yes, a marriage made in Heaven!

A few years passes and they drift apart. They see Saint Peter one day and ask, “Are there divorces in Heaven?”

Saint Peter responds “ It took us two years to get a priest up here, your gonna be waiting a long time for a lawyer”

This guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him and shows him the doors to three rooms and says he must choose one of the rooms to spend eternity in.So Satan opens the first door. In the room there are people standing in cow manure up to their necks.

The guy says "No, please show me the next room". Satan shows him the next room and this has people with cow manure up to their noses. And so he says no again. Finally, Satan shows him the third and final room. This time there are people in there with cow manure up to their knees drinking cups of coffee and eating cakes.

So the guy says, "I'll choose this room". Satan says O.K. The guys is standing in there eating his cake and drinking his tea thinking, "Well, it could be worse", when the door opens. Satan pops his head around, and says "O.K. coffee break is over. Back on your heads!

CategoriesDirty Jokes