Blonde Jokes

Nov 19th 2012
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Duh!

What do you call a really smart blonde?

A golden retriever
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How do you make a blondes eyes shine?

Put a flashlight in her ears
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How can you tell is a blond has been on the computer?

There is white out all over the screen
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How do you kill a blonde?
  • Put a mirror on the bottom of a pool
  • Put spikes on her shoulderpads
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What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
  • Introduces herself
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A blond goes to the hairdresser with her ipod and headphones on.

The hairdresser says, "I can't cut your hair with those headphones on. "

The blond replies "Oh just cut around it I can't take them off."

The hairdresser tries and finally gets frustrated and pulls them out. To his surprise she falls and dies on the spot. He put on her headphone to hear

 "Breathe in, Breath out- Breath in, Breath out"

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How do you change a blondes mind?

Blow in her ear
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How does a blond kill a fish?

By drowning it
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Did you hear about the blond?
  • that took an hour to cook minute rice
  • who thought nitrates were cheaper than dayrates
  • who couldn't waterski because she couldn't find the slope
  • who when asked what the capital of Arizona is said "A:"
  • who couldn't call 911 because she could find the "11" on her phone
  • who tripped over her cordless phone
  • who locked herself in the car
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A Blond and a Brunette are walking down the street.

The Brunette exclaims, "Oh look a poor little dead bird!"

The Blonde look up to the sky and replies, "Where?"
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A man went into the office kitchen one morning and found a beautiful blond woman painting the walls. She was wearing a fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a bit strange, he asked her why she was wearing such nice clothes rather than overalls. The blonde simply sighed and showed him the instructions on the tin, “For best results, put on two coats.”

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A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.

She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down.

He gets out his light and says, "Open wide".

"I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms!"

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What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?

You always hear about them but never see them.

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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
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What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?

Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

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What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme

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How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Fertilized
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What is a brunette between two blondes?
An interpreter.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

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Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

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What's the difference between a group of blondes and a good magician?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts.

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Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
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What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet?
Last years hide and seek champion.
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Two blondes they go to the mall it starts raining outside so one of the Blondes says " Let's go get the umbrella from the convertible" the other one says " we can't I left the keys in the car! "


CategoriesBrain Teasers , Classic Jokes, Dirty Jokes