What's Your Sign?
Ahh the ancient art of astrology and stereotyping! Here are some basics and a few jokes we find funny!
- How many (insert sign here) does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Questions for God (by sign)
- Comments after sex (by sign)
- March 21 - April 19
- The Ram
- "I am."
- Active, Demanding, Determined, Effective, Ambitious
- Only one, but it takes a hell of a lot of light bulbs.
- "Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!"
- "Okay, let's do it again!"
- April 20 - May 20
- The Bull
- "I have."
- Security, Subtle strength, Appreciation, Instruction, Patience
- What, me move?
- "Dear God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT YET."
- "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."
- May 21 - June 20
- The Twins
- "I think."
- Communication, Indecision, Inquisitive, Intelligent, Changeable
- "Yo God...(or is it Goddess?)...Who are you?...What are you?.....Where are You?.....How many of you ARE there? I can't figure you out!"
- "Have you seen the remote?"
- June 21 - July 22
- The Crab
- "I feel."
- Emotion, Diplomatic, Intensity, Impulsive, Selective
- Only one, but he has to bring his mother.
- "Dear Daddy, I know I shouldn't depend on you so much, but you're the only One I can count on while my security blanket is at the cleaners."
- "When are we getting married?"
- July 23 - August 22
- The Lion
- "I want."
- Ruling, Warmth, Generosity, Faithful, Initiative
- A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.
- "Hi, Pop! I'll bet you're really proud to have me as your kid!"
- "Wasn't I fantastic?"
- August 23 - September 22
- The Virgin
- "I scrutinize."
- Analyzing, Practical, Reflective, Observation, Thoughtful
- One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.
- "Dear God, please make the world a better place, and don't screw it up like you did the last time."
- "I need to wash the sheets."
- September 23 - October 22
- The Scales
- "I balance."
- Balance, Justice, Truth, Beauty, Perfection
- Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.
- "Dear God, I know I should make decisions for myself. But, on the other hand, what do YOU think?"
- "I liked it if you liked it."
- October 23 - November 21
- The Scorpion
- "I wish."
- Transient, Self-Willed, Purposeful, Unyielding
- None. They LIKE the dark.
- "Dear God, help me forgive my enemies, even if the bastards don't deserve it."
- "Perhaps I should untie you."
- November 22 - December 21
- The Archer
- "I see."
- Philosophical, Motion, Experimentation, Optimism
- One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.
- "OH ALMIGHTY, ALL KNOWING, ALL-LOVING, ALL-POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT, EVERLASTING GOD, IF I'VE ASKED YOU ONCE, I'VE ASKED YOU A THOUSAND TIMES --- HELP ME STOP EXAGGERATING!!!!!!!!!!"
- "Don't call me--I'll call you."
- December 22 - January 19
- The Goat
- "I use.
- Determination, Dominance, Perservering, Practical, Willful
- The light's fine as it is.
- "Dear Father, I was going to pray, but I guess I ought to figure things out for myself. Thanks anyway."
- "Do you have a business card?"
- January 20 - February 18
- The Water Bearer
- "I know."
- Knowledge, Humanitarian, Serious, Insightful, Duplicitous
- Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?
- "Hi God! Some say you're a man. Some say you're a woman. I say we're ALL God. So, why pray? Let's have a party!"
- "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
- February 19 - March 2
- The Fish
- "I believe."
- Fluctuation, Depth, Imagination, Reactive, Indecisive
- What light bulb?
- "Heavenly Father, as I prepare to consume this last fifth of Scotch to drown out my pain and sorrow, may my inebriation be for Thy greater Honor and Glory."
- "What did you say your name was again?"